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HULA Certification

HULA Certificate

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Secret, Revealed!

Mama couldn't keep from telling everyone, so I am now free to reveal the secret I had sworn to keep: Mama is going to whelp and have puppies!

Wait, Mama has corrected me. In humans it's giving birth and having babies. She further corrects that it isn't "babies", it's "baby". Don't humans have more than one at a time, like dogs do? I'll have to research that.

So, she will be spending a lot of time at the doctor's office over the next nine months. Wow, nine months! It only takes us dogs about 65 days! Humans really are weird, taking so long to have one furless puppy, when it only takes us two months to have several! I don't get it. But, anyway, I'm not sure how I feel about the new pup yet. Smoky and Bandit are happy about it, but they told me the pup won't be giving us bonus food for months, and that the pup pretty much only sleeps and eats just like a regular pup, except it can't even crawl right away! So I'm gonna reserve judgment till after I meet this new pup!


Saturday, May 23, 2009

With An Oink, Oink Here...

Harooo! I was about to post about grooming...AGAIN...when I remembered that I never told anyone the story of the pig I met! Not that Mama was happy about it...

Well, here's how the story goes: Smoky, Bandit, and I were all in the dog yard, and we see the neighbor's pig snuffling around our yard. We've never seen it up close before, but it was in our yard! So we discussed it, rather loudly, trying to get Mama's attention, but I guess she was too busy cooking dinner, and we are always loud, BOL! Bandit and I agreed, we had to drive the pig off. Smoky didn't want any part of it, the goody two paws. So Bandit and I got out of the yard by laying the fence down flat and walking out (Mama has long since figured it out and killed our fun).

Pigs are BIG! I didn't know this! He was definitely bigger than I am, and I'm the biggest dog in the whole family! Can you imagine how much bacon and ham and pork chops and pork roast and spareribs you could get out of one pig?! Yummy! And we figured that if he didn't leave our yard, we would get all of that! But it was not to be. I guess two of us together scared him enough to start him moving on home.

By now, Mama had figured out what was going on, and, typical for a human, she was freaking out. She actually chased us in the car, thinking we would give up on the pig in favor of a ride! Boy, was she wrong! Okay, half wrong: Bandit did give up the chase for the car. Stupid Labs. But it was kind of funny, since Mama was basically offroading in a Chevy Cavalier. Now, I'm no expert on cars, but even I know you don't offroad in a Cavalier. Mama was desperate though. She had no faith in my hunting abilities. She thought the pig was going to really hurt me or kill me, can you imagine that? So since I wasn't about to give up all the fun I was having, she started calling everyone for help. Animal Control, the livestock people, the Sheriff's Department, everyone, and they all told her they didn't help with this sort of thing.

So, for four hours, Mama stood in the yard and kept calling me. She probably would have caught me if she had just walked up to the pig, but she doesn't know anything about pigs and was scared. Silly human!

Finally, the pig's people came home, and that was the end of my fun. They laughed at Mama because she thought the pig was already big enough, and they said he was only a baby still and would grow much bigger! Wow! Mama turned dead white, and that's saying something, since Mama's Black! BOL!

The pig got corralled, but I still wouldn't come home, so Mama went and got me extra dinner to get me to come home. Well, of course that worked! So that was my adventure with the pig. Wasn't that great?

Oh yeah, the grooming thing. Well, this first picture is three hours worth of work, just on my rump and back legs, with me arguing all the way:And, of course, this one is of my dashing good looks. Do I look like I need to be groomed?? Honestly!

Well, that's all for today! I do have more news, but I've been sworn to secrecy yet, by Mama, and since she controls the food and the grooming brush, I'll keep quiet for a bit longer. I'll give you a hint though: it has to do with family! Gnaw on that for awhile, haroooooooo!